Taste the shortwave rainbow

I know I’m mixing up my candy slogans, sorry.  If I were someone important, someone who’s whims must be obeyed, say, a musical pop star, my backstage rider would specify that only the RED and PINK and, in certain instances, purple versions of my favorite candies would be permitted.  For example, red and purple Skittles, Red Sour Patch Kids, pink Mentos, red and pink jelly beans, etc.  I’ve been wondering for years why candy companies don’t just come out with all red/pink versions of their products, eschewing the lesser quality oranges, yellows, greens, etc., recognizing their status as unwanted.  Apparently Mars Incorporated heeded my call and issued Starburst FaveReds variety.  I’m not sure when this was launched but my research reveals it was first introduced at a candy trade show in 2008 – thus leading me to assume it began being distributed sometime late 2008-early 2009.  Regardless, this is the first I’ve heard of it.  And, I must say, for as long as I’ve wanted a product like this, I was disappointed.

Observe.

Giving red-flavored candy everwhere a bad name

Giving red-flavored candy everwhere a bad name

Rather than just taking out the yellow and orange Starbursts, leaving only delicious Red (cherry) and Pink (strawberry), those rascals at Mars felt the need to include two new red flavors – Fruit Punch (Hawaiian Punch – gross) and Watermelon (ickiness).  WTF, Mars?  Why the need to supplement?  Is the general populace not ready for a Starburst packet that only has *gasp* two flavors?  I think this falls under one of those good ideas (indeed, one I’ve had for years) that failed in execution.

All in all, the fact that one the rare occasion I pick up a pack of Starburst  I only eat half is probably not a bad thing, saving me approximately 115 calories.   And I suppose it’s a petty elitist problem to complain about candy companies not producing flavors I like and appreciate.  I mean, as far as life problems go, it’s kinda a silly one.  I don’t think slave labor is involved in the production or anything.  But then again, what good is a liberal arts degree if it doesn’t allow you to bitch needlessly about life’s non-problems in an over-dramatic and stylized way?  Because that’s pretty much ALL I’M GOOD AT, as you know if you’ve ever spent more than 5 minutes with me.

To Sum: Mars, you suck.  Most, but not all, red and pink candy is good.  And I clearly need to get a grip.

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2 Comments »

  1. Danny Said:

    When I was a child, I was never allowed to eat red M&Ms, under the (mistaken, I’m sure) assumption that they contained higher levels of some artificial colouring that allegedly sent me into hypomanic episodes.
    More on-topic, these days, you never know how even the production of any product negatively impacts the quality of life for someone in some third-world country. I’ll have to ask my crazy liberal hippie coworker (she’s awesome!) if Mars cooks their candies using child labour that breaks international human rights laws.

    • andirandombits Said:

      Keep me posted re: Mars Inc. allegedly nefarious doings. Also, all processed food, whether dyed red No. 3, yellow No. 6 or blue No. 2, or will kill and/or maim you. I think science has proven that time and time again. Might as well enjoy it until then. (Remember when slushy vendors started taking the red dye out of the cherry flavored slushies because supposedly there were cancer scares? I didn’t really care about the allegedly cancer connection, I just hated the red tongue and was happy with the new clear/white slushy innovation).


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