On Life Support

Alternate title: How a Recipe is Like Mouth to Mouth but Can’t Give you VD – or Can it?

Oh blog, gasping for air, for life, fighting with all your might.  I have turned away, too busy to hear your death throes (and not caring, to be honest – I’m not alone in this).  I think I am simply Not Cut Out to be a Blogger – it requires time, attention and committment – (as well as sparkling wit, humor and CONTENT) – ALL things I am TERRIBLE at.  Now that Dolemite has gone to the big whorehouse in the sky I feel I have nothing to contribute – for what is left to be said after you’ve announced the death of the greatest pimp and overall badass muthafucka of all time?

Well, at a funeral you bring food, right?  Comfort food, at that – no haute cuisine, no acai berries or pomogranate infusions – no, good cheesy casseroles, jello based creations and carbs (calories eaten while mourning don’t count).   So, here is my humble chickeny salad recipe.   For times of death and life.

Ingredients:

Grilled chicken breasts (or poached, or baked – just NOT RAW)

Carrots – finely chopped (real from the ground carrots, preferably with a little dirt still clinging that you have to wash off – baby carrots will not do)

Celery – ditto (can sub other crunchy veg, like bell pepper or radishes for you haters)

Golden raisins (or dried cranberries, snipped dried apricots, or, if you’re truly inferior, purple raisins but ugh)

Green olives – pitted and chopped(olive haters – well, first, let’s just say I don’t understand you.  But capers or pickles will work – anything briny and sour)

Toasted nut of choice – roughly chopped (walnut, pecans, cashews, pine – all good choices)

Plain yogurt – any variety (non-fat, low-fat, full-fat, goat, greek, etc. – maybe not soy – I’m not real sure about soy yogurt)

a mere dollop of mayo (totally optional)

white balsamic or tarragon vinegar

lemon juice

S&P

Washed greens OR toasted bread OR croissant to serve

To create:

Chop cooked chicken (grilled really is tastiest) into bite sized cubes.   Gently mix with assorted veggies and olives and raisins (or alternatives).  Add enough yogurt to bind everything and just a mere dollop of mayo for binding powers and flavor.  Sprinkle in vinegar of choice to taste, add S&P to taste.  Serve on top of greens or in sandwich form.  Sprinkle with toasted nuts and squirt of lemon juice.

Note this salad has a combination of crunchy, salty/briny, sweet and acidic.  That is not on accident, each component contributes to making (in my opinion, anyway) a well balanced salad.  You can certainly use the alternatives listed or your own but make sure to keep the function of the component in mind.  And I didn’t provide measurements of anything – it’s all to taste.  For two people I usually use two chicken breasts, 1-2 carrots and celery stalks, handful of raisins, 5 olives, 1/3 cup nuts,  1/3 – 1/2 cup yogurt and 1 tbl. mayo.   And that usually gives us leftovers for at least one lunch.

As for my little corner of the interwebs – I’m not sure.  I’m too chicken (pun not intended – or is it?) to pull the plug.  What if I ever feel the need to spread unimportant info far and wide that anyone can access?  I also feel my original purpose – amusing myself – is no longer being met, as I no longer find this blog (or myself) amusing.  It’s become a drag – the magic is gone.  Kinda like all my previous relationships – I soon lose interest after an initial burst of enthusiasm (I married the man I managed to still have enthusiasm for every day, btw – it’s how I knew he was it).   So, while I’m in favor of assisted suicide in general, it’s not for me.  I’ll let this place limp along until maybe one day I find the willingness to make a decision either way.  In the meantime – if anyone feels like guest blogging – about ANYTHING (that won’t get me or you arrested) please let me know – mi blog es su blog.